Please tell me I didn't see this. I implore you, just say that I left the television on and fell asleep after eating cheese again:

A bunch of women in white jumpsuits, maybe hoodies a la Woody Allen's Human Sperm in this movie (please note that this actor was credited simply as "Sperm"), were doing retard (only 1/2) jumping jacks, and pretending to be expanding in the manner of your generic, run-of-the-mill, Tampon X.

(Are there tampon mills?)

The name-brand, Tampon Y women were wearing flowery, fluttery skirts and twirling around in circles celebrating their glorious menses, because Tampon Y supposedly expands like a flower, or their skirts, in all directions (even UP?! Oooh).

I want to know how much those women got paid for that commercial, and if they signed off on being human crotch products - or were just told they were happy, you know, about BLEEDING FROM THEIR VAGINAS.

Or, in the case of the hoodies, in a hip hop video, or a really bad GAP ad.

So tell me, did I see this? Say it ain't so.