Or, at least, that they didn't host swinger (of any race, gender, or orientation) parties in MY DAMN BABY GIRL BEDROOM.

I know this probably makes me racist, homophobic, anti-polyamorous mumbo jumbo, etc. But I'm only prejudiced against rich, married, gross old white people with big fat cottage cheese asses and kids who have sex with black guys while the Viagra-popping whiskey-dicked husband watches and then won't talk to poor Leroy afterwards, when they run into him at the mall. Really. That's all. (Poor, unmarried, gross old white people without kids and big fat cottage cheese asses are OK! #1! Thumbs up!)

This reminds me of when Eric Cartman said, "stop... dressing me up like a mailman... a-and making me dance for you... while you go and... smoke crack in your bedroom... and have sex with... some guy... I don't even know. On my dad's bed."

Hell, I didn't even want to think about my parents having sex with each other, let alone a "Mandingo" who calls himself "Art Hammer".

I mean, Art?!

Oh, and these orgy-havers are staunch Republicans, natch.

How disturbed.

Also, remind me not to participate in any interviews, for fear that the reporter will describe me as looking more like Kathy Bates than Kathy Ireland, or having "small eyes" and "a wide head" or exhibiting the "sag of victimhood" or being "a pudding of cellulite".

GO, JOURNALISM!! MAKE FUN OF THOSE FATTY FAT FATS!

(I would almost attend, you know. For the snax.)