The homeless guy was right.

I am horrible and I smell.

Seriously, I have awful awful thoughts about everyone (and I will tell them to you momentarily, as soon as you all identify yourselves and I can be semi-sure it is not you about whom I am dishing.)

(Which one of you is checking me from your Yahoo page?)

(Please to identifying yourself, thank you.)

Anyway, I think and the awfulness is starting to seep out through my pores. Halp-!

So, does anyone know the name of some foofoo juice which does not:
-reek
-turn all funky after an hour or so
-make people go, what is that horrid stench?!
-smell like Tidy Cat & ammonia mixed with mothballs like the last (expensive!) stuff I got? Because I read somewhere that perfume contains bobcat pee, and I am starting to believe it.

I went to a department store with Cranky because he needed a new fat shirt and some shoes, so I shpritzed a different scent on each arm and asked him, "OK, which one reeks LESS?"

He is not a perfume person, and he told me, "that one smells like Play-Doh; the other one is...not as bad."

This is not helping.

What do you think does not smell completely like ass? Guys? Anybody...?!

It doesn't have to being a puffume; it can be a soap or lotion or anything that doesn't smell like your grandmother's panty drawer sachet.

Be assured, I will not steel your secret potion and seduce all your lovers, because everything breaks down on me like compost heap and I end up smelling like a somewhat gassy, rainbow-colored cloud hanging over a used maxi pad anyway, no matter how much dough I frivolously shilled out for the stink-water. My father says it's all man repellent, anyway.

But pleez to helping me not to smell all the time so bad, like cat box.