Hm, I wonder if I got the hep from attending an awards show. Wouldn't that just be a bitch, all of us sitting there, bored off our overdressed asses, not having sexual relations, and getting an STD* from our Chicken A La Yuck. Bugger.

Thanks a lot, WoofGang Fluck.

In other bad news, I talked to my mom recently.

That isn't the bad news.

Okay, so I'm an asshole for talking on my cell in the grocery store, but the line was long and she is two hours ahead of me, time-wise, so I couldn't call her later and had fuck-all to do except wait for the cashier come back with a price check on my Grana Padano. So I asked what was going on, although I could only hear about every third word, when she told me someone had ____er.

ME: She has a HAMSTER?!
MA: No, she has CANCER.

I am officially going to hell now, if I don't die of the hep first.

*Bad news: I don't think Hep A can even be considered an STD. Good news: I learned a new word today: orofecal.

Yeah, I think some drunk guy tried to do that to me before.