The reason I haven't been here much is pilot season, otherwise known as (see above).

I call it this because it causes me to spend a lot of time in the bathroom, hyperventilating, with my head between my knees (do not attempt).

For those of you who don't know, of which I hope are many, pilot season is that special time of year which us television folks spend in a half-retarded tizzy trying to produce a bunch of half-baked ideas along with your regularly scheduled programmes.

We hope that some of these idears will take so as to replace our regular shows which are about to crap out due to lack of interest, personality conflicts, and/or the presence of ACKtors. Those guys screw up everything.

So, we run it up the flagpole and see if the cat licks it, while attempting not to die in the process. Thrills! Chills! Being at work with stomach flu!!!

Otherwise, I have been:

-on the toilet

-working on a tranny documentary (don't ask.)

-volunteering for a rescue org. I want to do mainly cats someday, but right now I am afraid because of my cat herpes. Long story. So I'm thinking about foster-dogging, because dogs do not get the cat herpes. Unless...nevermind.

-this may result in me babysitting a one-eyed, one-horned, non-flying, black & blue & purple abused blind poodle for an indefinite period of time.

-Do you think they make eye patches for dogs?

-I think yes.

-figuring out the preferred diet of one Syrian teddy bear hamster previously used by neglectful 8 yr. old. Although he has had only dry hamster chow ever in his life, he has already rejected the following: yogurt, cheese, olives, and celery. He prefers only pepper and a twist of lime in his Bloody Marys.

-what kind of ham star doesn't eat celery?!

-aggravating people

-getting pissed off at other bitchy females. The butchy ones particularly seem to hate me this week, for some reason.

However, the bulk of my time has been spent brushing, flossing, inserting, and removing this device with a tiny plastic crowbar.

But that is a post for another day.