Wednesday, April 18, 2007
PROUD HAMSTER RECIPIENT
Pics to come soon. He is a real bundle. Bundle of what, I'm not yet sure.
Meanwhile, the learning continues...hamster-related things I did not know, maybe didn't want to know:
-When a Syrian hamster yawns, it looks like (last panel) this!
-Hamsters may enjoy a dust bath in sterilized playground sand or chinchilla sand (but not chinchilla dust, because apparently the dust is too dusty - who knew?!).
-Archie - that's his name - does not care for the sand/dust. However, the cat did roll in it.
-Hamsters can be litterbox trained. Archie scoffs at this.
-Archie scoffs a lot.
-If your hamster gets "wet tail", a fatal disease, you need to burn its cage or, alternatively, sterilize it with a blowtorch. Yeah, I have one of those lying around.
-Methane gases can build up in plastic hamster tubes and blow us all, or at least the hamster, to Kingdom Come (WAUUUGH!). Sky high. Kill us all. KaboOm.
-OK, so just the hamster.
-Wouldn't that be funny, though? Like that guy on the toilet with the matches and the Darwin Award.
-If you put a soiled hamster cage, sans hamster, in the trunk of your car, and then forget about it, leave the car parked in the hot sun, then attempt to go to lunch, your whole car will magically be filled with the mountain-grown aroma of Hamster Poopourri (that is, hamster doots, wood shavings, and Purina Rat Chow.) Enjoy.
-Although Habitrails make fun and unique homes for hamsters or mice, they are rather small. This tends to be a problem for Syrian hamsters, who tend to either not be able to fit through the tubes, or get stuck while passing through them (!)
-Archie scoffs at that, because while too big for his wheel, he can still squeeze his ass through a Size 6 toilet paper tube. And he is a rather large ham star, with "noticeable testicles". Thank you very much.
-A hamster in a used toilet paper tube looks like an unused tampon. With teeth.
-Archie also scoffs at toilet paper, and likes to wipe his ass on aquarium glass.
-while he is pooping
-Anti-poop story types: sorry. Do not, under any circumstances, read the following:
-Hamsters have different kinds of poop; the regular kind, and a "special" kind of doot, sometimes known as "cecotropes", "ceces" or "night feces" (or possibly "nieces") that they are supposed to eat, often directly from their hamster-holes, because they contain partially digested food.
So remember, kids: there is no shame in eating your own "special" poo, just so long as you do it at night and nobody sees you do it.
-Apparently, nobody told Archie that:
a) no one should see him do that
b) he is supposed to be craptacular, I mean crepuscular, I mean, nocturnal
c) cats are hamsters' natural predator (no one told the cats, either)
d) maybe it's because the cats have no noticeable testicles
e) it is glass; not glASS
f) hamsters are self-cleaning
g) you are not supposed to poop on my boss*, and
h) do not ever drag your balls along my leg again
i) ever.
*even if he does have noticeable testicles.
Sources: Wikipedia, this book, and my leg.
PROUD HAMSTER RECIPIENTMeanwhile, the learning continues...hamster-related things I did not know, maybe didn't want to know:
-When a Syrian hamster yawns, it looks like (last panel) this!
-Hamsters may enjoy a dust bath in sterilized playground sand or chinchilla sand (but not chinchilla dust, because apparently the dust is too dusty - who knew?!).
-Archie - that's his name - does not care for the sand/dust. However, the cat did roll in it.
-Hamsters can be litterbox trained. Archie scoffs at this.
-Archie scoffs a lot.
-If your hamster gets "wet tail", a fatal disease, you need to burn its cage or, alternatively, sterilize it with a blowtorch. Yeah, I have one of those lying around.
-Methane gases can build up in plastic hamster tubes and blow us all, or at least the hamster, to Kingdom Come (WAUUUGH!). Sky high. Kill us all. KaboOm.
-OK, so just the hamster.
-Wouldn't that be funny, though? Like that guy on the toilet with the matches and the Darwin Award.
-If you put a soiled hamster cage, sans hamster, in the trunk of your car, and then forget about it, leave the car parked in the hot sun, then attempt to go to lunch, your whole car will magically be filled with the mountain-grown aroma of Hamster Poopourri (that is, hamster doots, wood shavings, and Purina Rat Chow.) Enjoy.
-Although Habitrails make fun and unique homes for hamsters or mice, they are rather small. This tends to be a problem for Syrian hamsters, who tend to either not be able to fit through the tubes, or get stuck while passing through them (!)
-Archie scoffs at that, because while too big for his wheel, he can still squeeze his ass through a Size 6 toilet paper tube. And he is a rather large ham star, with "noticeable testicles". Thank you very much.
-A hamster in a used toilet paper tube looks like an unused tampon. With teeth.
-Archie also scoffs at toilet paper, and likes to wipe his ass on aquarium glass.
-while he is pooping
-Anti-poop story types: sorry. Do not, under any circumstances, read the following:
-Hamsters have different kinds of poop; the regular kind, and a "special" kind of doot, sometimes known as "cecotropes", "ceces" or "night feces" (or possibly "nieces") that they are supposed to eat, often directly from their hamster-holes, because they contain partially digested food.
So remember, kids: there is no shame in eating your own "special" poo, just so long as you do it at night and nobody sees you do it.
-Apparently, nobody told Archie that:
a) no one should see him do that
b) he is supposed to be craptacular, I mean crepuscular, I mean, nocturnal
c) cats are hamsters' natural predator (no one told the cats, either)
d) maybe it's because the cats have no noticeable testicles
e) it is glass; not glASS
f) hamsters are self-cleaning
g) you are not supposed to poop on my boss*, and
h) do not ever drag your balls along my leg again
i) ever.
*even if he does have noticeable testicles.
Sources: Wikipedia, this book, and my leg.
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