Saturday, August 18, 2007
THINGS NOT TO SAY TO THE NICE OFFICER AT THE SOBRIETY CHECKPOINT
[Image of souvenir coaster not here due to Cranky throwing them away][I put them on the bar!]
1. No, I have not been drinking. I'd sure like to, though.
2. No, my breath just smells real bad*
3. Seriously, this is mineral water
4. I'm just taking these open containers of Everclear to the recycling plant
5. WHAT THE FUCK?! *honk* *honk* YOU ARE MAKING ME LATE TO MY A.A. MEETiNG!!!
6. No, not yet. And your sobriety checkpoint clogging a major artery sure is impeding my progress toward my eventual drunkenness.
What seems to be the problem, Officer? And what's with the cuffs?
*I actually said this. That combined with bad habit of not making eye contact, even under the best of circumstances, does not help. Shaking nervously and going, gee, I'm so scared of your big black stick, Sergeant Spamstuck! while trembling like an inbred chihuahua seems to work pretty well for me though. OK!
**Also? If they don't want you to drink, then why do they give you a souvenir coaster?! To remind you not to drink and drive, while you are drinking? To nail to our foreheads, as a reminder? OK, wise guys. What are we s'posed to set our drink, which we are not supposed to be having, down on, then...?
THINGS NOT TO SAY TO THE NICE OFFICER AT THE SOBRIETY CHECKPOINT1. No, I have not been drinking. I'd sure like to, though.
2. No, my breath just smells real bad*
3. Seriously, this is mineral water
4. I'm just taking these open containers of Everclear to the recycling plant
5. WHAT THE FUCK?! *honk* *honk* YOU ARE MAKING ME LATE TO MY A.A. MEETiNG!!!
6. No, not yet. And your sobriety checkpoint clogging a major artery sure is impeding my progress toward my eventual drunkenness.
What seems to be the problem, Officer? And what's with the cuffs?
*I actually said this. That combined with bad habit of not making eye contact, even under the best of circumstances, does not help. Shaking nervously and going, gee, I'm so scared of your big black stick, Sergeant Spamstuck! while trembling like an inbred chihuahua seems to work pretty well for me though. OK!
**Also? If they don't want you to drink, then why do they give you a souvenir coaster?! To remind you not to drink and drive, while you are drinking? To nail to our foreheads, as a reminder? OK, wise guys. What are we s'posed to set our drink, which we are not supposed to be having, down on, then...?
Labels: that thing you're doing: stop doing that.
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