I heard something on the radio the other day that combined two of my great hates*

*my mom said I'm not allowed to hate things, I can only strongly dislike them.

...my great dislikes:

John Mayer (Meyer? Oscar-Meyer? Don't make me look it up)'s song, "Your Body is a Wonderland" (iccchhh) and Jennifer Love Hewitt (iccchhhhhhhh).

Apparently he wrote that about her (MEGA-icccchhhh and also, yack).

I hate (sorry Mom, it's too many letters to type) her, I hate her rat-like face, I hate the fact that her friends call her "Love," her alleged ginormous tatas which I never understood why people found so impressive, I mean, ANYTHING looks ginormous on a skinny midget chick) and the fact that for the past umpteen years, she's been sporting the same hairdo I wore in high school, I mean, wtf.

I call it "Heavy Metal Poodle," because she looks like a poodle with a disproportionately small head vs. the size of her hair doo.

And that song, just, retch. It's okay to have those kinds of feelings about someone, but for crissake, keep 'em to yourself. Nobody needs to hear that "room for two" is how you think of a vagina.

Specifically, Jennifer "Love" Hewlett-Packard's vagina.

Foul.