Work:
-Writer's strike
-Layoffs
-wrong, wrong, all the wrong people
-not me :(

Home:
-overpriced
-substandard
-still live next to ghetto trash
-still smells funny
-happy little fluffy animals :)
-hamster still dead :(

Family:
-grandpa: still dead.
-JESUS CHRiST
-don't wanna talk about it

Personal:
-nothing to speak of
-how is it everyone I ever once touched is now getting married? Blessing or curse?
-everyone else is getting married. Or going on trips. Who can afford trips?! especially in this climate of layoffs and of strikes?! My boss, that's who. Bastard. Where is this boat I missed, and where is it going?! I hope on a trip. Because the next boat that comes along is gonna get sunk if the motherfucker don't take me on a goddamn trip. I will cannonball that bastard ship's deck with my own generous ass if I have to. But, knowing my luck, that fuckhole ship? will just be en route to the San Pedro Smelly-Assed Fish Market.

-I have only been to Mexico, and that was stupid. Do you know what I found on my last "trip" out of L.A.? An hour up Angeles Crest, in the otherwise pure, virgin snowdrift? Two Bud Light empties and a hot pepper. (My dog Tulip ate the hot pepper, with ill effects.) Why did I bother going to Mexico. This is fucking Mexico.

-But at least it was a vacation from her usual diet of discarded chicken bones from homeless bums, and subsequent emergency animal hospital visit.

-God, I hate L.A.

Health:
-plastic thing in mouth
-plastic thing in crotch
-plastic things over eyes (though not nearly as sexy as this person's)
-I know, I am sex.
-no, no plastic things here
-they're still real. A little too real if you ask me.

Go ahead. Ask me about my plastic things.

How are your _____s?