Here is my latest collection of Things That Make You Go AGH-! MY DETACHED RETINAS...!

This should NOT be used as a holiday wish list, unless you care to explain to your employers that you were not looking at kink, you were just shopping for jeans. Really.

1. You do not need your boxer shorts to have pocket for your iPod. I do not care what the voices of Tom Cruise and the aliens in your head tell you to do. Put on a tinfoil hat and get over it.
2. Dubya tee eff...?! Is this necessary?
3. I just hate her. Adriana, klose jour mouf. She wants to, I can see it in her eyes. I also find it semi-amusing that there's a model nymphette running around with a portfolio containing a tear sheet that says "MAYBE". As in maybe I'll pass...the girl is clearly incapable of keeping her jaw hinged, is what the casting director will think. However, she should have no problem with men.
4. Diesel is a repeat, repeat, repeat offender. This is their recent attempt to sell shoes. Remind me to buy some so that I, too, can have an interracial ménage à trois.
5. Was the dead polar bear with the ball gag really called for...? You be the judge.

And tomorrow, a picture of a naked girl with a boy's head buried in her crotch, which I would normally be in favor of, except that it was from a teenybopper magazine I stole from the dentist's office, unless the cat* peed on it.

He has opinions.