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Short rant for the weekend, because this commercial has finally pushed me over the edge. It was funny the first 5,000 times, but it's passed its expiration date.

(If you have yet to witness the horror, go to http://sixflags.com to see all five of the damnable things.)


And now, a poem:

DIE SIX FLAGS GUY,
DIE.
THOU OFFENDETH THY PISSED KITTY'S EYE.
YOU KNOW YOU BLOW
WHY DON'T YOU GO?
I THINK YOU'RE NOT A GUY.

DIE SIX FLAGS GUY,
DIE.
YOU AREN'T EVEN A GUY.
YOU'RE PROBABLY A WOMAN
WITH A BAD BALD CAP - I CAN TOTALLY SEE THE LINE WHERE IT ENDS AND YOUR FOREHEAD BEGINS.
BAD MAKEUP PERSON,
BAD.

DIE SIX FLAGS GUY,
DIE.
YOU'RE TOO HYPER FOR AN OLD "GUY".
IF YOU'RE GOING TO KEEL,
HERE! USE MY WHEEL
I'LL RUN OVER YOU WITH MY OWN
CAR.

DIE SIX FLAGS GUY,
DIE.
BECAUSE IF ANYONE IS FOOLED INTO ACTUALLY THINKING
YOU'RE A REAL OCTOGENARIAN
AND NOT A TWELVE-YEAR OLD GIRL
IN THAT OLD GUY SUIT AND MAKEUP,
OTHER YOUNG PEOPLE WILL START IMITATING YOU
AND ABUSING THE SENIOR CITIZEN DISCOUNT
OR ELSE
OTHER OLD PEOPLE WILL START TRYING TO DANCE LIKE YOU, SPAZZMO
AND THEY WILL HAVE MASSIVE HEART ATTACKS
AND IT WILL BE ALL YOUR FAULT.

DIE, SIX FLAGS GUY,
DIE.
AREN'T SCREAMING CHILDREN ANNOYING ENOUGH?!
NOW PEOPLE WILL COME TO A SMELLY HOT THEME PARK
AND STAND IN LINE FOR NINE HOURS
TO SEE AN OLD TWEAKER IN A TUXEDO
DANCING REALLY BADLY?!
I THINK NOT.

DIE, SIX FLAGS GUY,
DIE.
I NEVER SAID THAT THIS WAS GOING TO RHYME.
STOP SPAZZING OUT NOW AND
TAKE OFF YOUR BALD CAP
AND YOUR CHEESY THEME PARK FACE AND
JUST DIE, ALREADY.

GOODBYE.



Thank you.
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